A Glance Back Through 2015

I used to write newsletters at Christmas time. I liked the opportunity to look back at the year. I blog instead. Let's see if I can do this in a reasonable sized post.

January: I chose the word FIGHT for the year. Fight for what is right, fight towards the Lord, fight for Abigail. We settled into routines of a new year. I began Documented Faith! We started to ride a roller coaster of highs and lows with our Abigail. I began a year long string of unsolicited commissioned sewing work (so honored and blessed by your support!).

February: Our church went through "Forty Days of Faith" - I really enjoyed the daily devotionals that went along with that! We decided that we couldn't help Abigail on our own and began seeing a family psychologist. Our faith in God's provision was tested heavily as many of our physical things were breaking down. Of course, He proved Himself to be faithful and generous! We had a fun family Valentines with a dance party and little treats. We trudged through cold and flu season, but with the addition of essential oils (thanks to my mom and sister) our quality of life during sickness was much improved.

March: For the first time since moving to Winnipeg, we walked on the frozen river and explored the Forks in the winter. I remember thinking "this is by far the coolest thing about our city!". We are looking forward to more river exploration this winter! We attended our second family retreat weekend at which David and I hosted couple's game night. It was such a great weekend but slightly touched with frustration and sadness with Abigail and her anger our family.

April: I love April. It was a busy month and not without it's challenges! David and I worked most evenings creating for a craft sale fundraiser in May. Abigail's behavior issues caused every outing to feel like a gamble. I witnessed a domestic violent act and wept and struggled for quite some time over it. We started Theraplay with Abigail at the psychologist appointments and honestly, David and I both struggled with the method of "help" we were getting. I had a great birthday with a family date and a date with my David and a party with my girlfriends! Spoiled!

May: Things escalated with Abigail and we called upon our pastors for help. Something was terribly wrong and we were battle weary and scared for our baby. Our pastor and an elder came over and prayed for and with us. We were so encouraged and relieved because that was a turning point for us all. Abigail was tormented and we prayed for her release. We are still learning and growing, but that was a game changer in our family. The results of which we wouldn't fully recognize until the summer.

June: We began what I call "Happy Abby Days". I took Abigail on a mother daughter weekend along with friends of ours. We went on many mini adventures and started to savor family times together.

July: Summer vacation kicked off with Canada Day (my favourite holiday) and our VANiversary. We went on several outings and began our summer long goal of dating each of our littles.  We got lots of use out of our backyard pool. Abigail got baptized!

August: we went camping with the use of a friend's trailer. We went on day trips and chased storms. David and I celebrated our 11th anniversary. Our church began to focus on how to hear God. I loved this focus and learned a lot. THE BEST summer since moving to Winnipeg!!! David finished building my gorgeous kitchen table.

September: a new school year feels fresh and with two in school on some days we all fell into a nice rhythm. My Dad got to go home from the hospital after almost 11 months time. I celebrated in my heart from afar. My goal for the month was survive the adjustment and it was so much easier than I had anticipated. I ended the month with a doozy of a cold, but we made it!

October: I was struggling with the mundane and repetitive life of domesticity. I cried out to the Lord for an attitude adjustment and a sense of purpose. My moms' group began a study on GRACE. Much needed and difficult to receive. I hosted an art gathering for local artists participating in Documented Faith and Illustrated Faith. Spent a lot of time choosing to TRUST in God and studying what that meant. We had a federal election, the results of which caused a lot of stir. Again, trusting God and His plan.

November: We saw a lot of cloudy days and I struggled with some depression - nothing went wrong, really. Just couldn't shake the heaviness. The world was rocked by terrorist attacks, though my own struggle was the imbalance of reaction based on where the attacks occurred. Terrorism, regardless of location, is tragic. We celebrated Christmas early with our friends and I worked through my large list of projects for Christmas and ministry.

December: We had several events to keep us busy early in the month and with my depression lifted, I began to really enjoy the preparation for Christmas. Our church proceeded with our 10th year of Bethlehem LIVE! and I participated on behalf of our family as a woman at the town well. David was sick through the entire weekend (plus before and after) and sadly missed participating. We carried out several mini traditions as a family that we love. We were intentional to make plans with friends throughout the holidays so as to not feel so lonely away from family. I think we found a nice balance (though, of course, we still missed our families). We were blessed by God's generosity to us through many friends and family and even anonymous givers. We spent New Year's Eve at a prayer meeting and I think that is my favourite way to end the old year and enter into a new one.

It sounds, in some ways, that it was a bad year. I don't remember it that way. We had challenges and triumphs and growth. To me, that's a good year. I'm looking forward to what 2016 holds and pray for the grace to handle each situation as it comes.  Happy New Year, everyone!

Checking In

Thank you all for your kind responses to my last post "Honestly" via Facebook, Blogspot and even text messages. I hope that you never get the wrong picture of my real life based on what I show on social media. I want to be as real on here as I am in real life. I have some things that I've been itching to show you, but have been waiting for an "unreal" moment of tidy shelves etc. If I wait for that to happen, I might not ever show you and so...

• David ingeniously created two work stations for us in our living area when we needed to re-claim our third room from an office/craft room back to a bedroom for Hannah. We have little space to work with and my main concern was how to keep our littles (mostly Micah right now), from wreaking havoc with the computer or my craft supplies. We loved the concept of all in one office cabinets, but we were not loving the price tag that came with them and so, with our limited budget, David came up with an amazing solution. I give you our version of the all-in-one office and the all-in-one craft station!

• The office is a generic pantry type cabinet with a keyboard tray installed and the shelving arranged in such a way as to accommodate the space needs of our computer. The cords are run through the back of the cupboard or behind the shelves. It works quite slick. I found all these cloth bins at the local dollar store and they work quite nicely for all the supplies we need handy.

• David ingeniously made them locking cabinets! My favourite feature! Have you seen these magnetic child locks? Well, by adding some washers to one door in order to interlock the doors and the child lock on the other, these are completely secure from the prying hands of my toddlers.

• My sewing station is mostly to hold and not to work out of, but it's organized in such a way that I know exactly where everything is and I can grab what I need and take it to the kitchen table to work.

• Here's how it looks in my living room. I wanted to clean up my bookshelves and the tops of the cupboards before I blogged about this, but in reality the clutter is pretty much constant these days and so here's my real life.

• I have a few small "stolen" moment sewing projects to share. I whipped up a camera strap and lens cover case for our camera. This was a project that I've been wanting to do since we got our camera (2 Christmases ago).

• I sewed an open wide zipper pouch for my make-up and it's been very handy. Tutorial here.

• I also whipped up this zipper pouch. I was mostly experimenting with the fancy vinyl. It's fun.

• I bought the vinyl for a bag pattern that I have to make. When time permits. David bought me fabric for Mother's day and I'm itching to cut into it. I didn't make my traditional new baby new bag and I think it's time for a new one. 
• I organized a little lunch station in my cupboard. I know that school is almost out for this year, but I'm sure I'll make some picnic lunches before fall when I have more than one box lunch to do a week.

This box has sprinkles, edible eyes, cookie cutters, sandwich cutter, silicone baking cups (I use those as food dividers), Pez dispensers (we're aware that candy is not encouraged, but our summer picnics will include Pez) and toothpicks with washi tape to make flag skewers. Most of these items have been collected over a long time from the dollar store and grocery stores.

The accessories box in the cupboard with the lunch boxes and lunch bag.  Bento inspired lunches do not work if you don't keep them upright, so I need to fix the lunch bag with a handle on top instead of the side. That will do it for now, but I will sew Abby a lunch bag for the fall that allows her to carry her lunch upright.

• Random story: We've been teaching Abigail about using words instead of physical force (i.e. ask your brother for the toy back, rather than grabbing it). Well, Abby misunderstood or misheard what I said, so now she says things like, "I'm sorry for using musical force, Mommy."
• Hairstyling has been fun these last few weeks. I do Abby's hair and sometimes she plays with mine. Well, we've put together a little hair dressing kit and in it is a small pair of scissors for cutting out her tiny hair elastics. You can imagine where this is going. Well, I'm sending an email at the computer, holding Hannah in one arm and Abby is doing my hair. Suddenly I hear that sickening sound of hair being cut right behind me. Thankfully is was only a tiny piece of my hair, but boy did she get an earful! It was not my best mommy moment for sure. What is it with children and scissors and hair?! Really, I should've know better.

Honestly

I have a friend who does crafts with her children everyday, another who plays with her children (I mean drinks fake tea and sells pretend goods) all the time and another who has her children at the park every possible minute the weather allows. Can I be honest? I admire these women and I feel like such a lousy mom in comparison to them. Comparison. A dangerous thing we do. I am created differently than anyone else so, I'm not sure why I expect to be like anyone else. I struggle to accept me for who I am. I don't like kid's crafts or pretend or playgrounds. I do those things to the extent I can before I go crazy, but it's a process and I am working on it. I saw an art project on Pinterest that I knew I needed to try. I "know" who I am in my head, but my heart has a hard time always believing the truth about who I am... in Christ Jesus. That's the identity I want to focus on. Not the identity I have as a mom or wife or daughter or sister or friend or the identity I think I should live up to. I can stand tall because of who I really am. So, here is who I am:

This process what a bit tedious and the results are not as visually exciting as I had hoped. I am not an artist in the drawing sense, but it was a fun medium to try and it's a great visual reminder. The instructions I found said to use an ink pad to imprint your thumb on the middle of a blank paper. You then scan the picture and enlarge it until it's the full size of the page. Then using a light table or a window, trace the lines for your text. Easy peasy, right? Well, getting a clear imprint that I could enlarge to that size was tricky. I ended up photographing the print for a clearer image and then I monkeyed around with it in my photo program to get a darker image to trace. It wasn't perfect, but it got the job done. I traced roughly with pencil and wrote in the words. I basically copied a couple of printables I found on Pinterest. It took a good portion of the afternoon, but I soaked in each sentence as I wrote it down. It's a start, a way to get the head to the heart.

There are other things that have been on my heart lately, too. I am a creative being. That's one of the reason I blog. I love doing creative thing and I often find there isn't enough time to express that creativity in the daily grind of life. By the time I find time to sit down and create, it isn't a whole lot of time and it is always in sacrifice of other things. (I don't "do it all". I often neglect dishes or other housework in order to craft. I have also sacrificed time I could be spending with my David after the littles are in bed, or *gasp* ignore, to some extent, my littles for a half an interrupted hour at a time.) Those times sometimes feel "stolen" and rushed and not nearly as enjoyable as I'd like them to be. How to find balance is a challenge. I don't want my children to be tasks that I need to get through until I can do other things. Honestly, I've felt that. I'm trying not to focus on the guilt that comes with those feelings, but to recognize them and turn them over to God for Him to help me sort them out.

Do you want to know something cool?! God is teaching me something new for this season I am in. This season of little personal time and a lot of tasks that need my daily attention. His soft direction is guiding me to find the ways I can use the creativity, that He's put inside of me, in the ordinary and everyday tasks. For example, the daily task of doing Abby's hair. I discovered that I like to try new hairstyles in her hair. Abby likes to watch Youtube videos with me as we research new ways to do her hair. I don't like to do kids crafts, but I like to do Abby's hair. Her gratitude after each new hairstyle makes me want to cry. We've found something to do together that we both enjoy and can spend special time just the two of us, everyday. Abby has even begun to play around doing my hair and we can extend that time even longer. Dishes can still wait!

I am inspired by Princes Hairstyles, but often just play around with the basics to create new styles.

This was a revelation to me! I can turn the mundane into creative time. Do you want to know what I'm starting to be excited about now? Making my littles' their school lunches. Me!? I hated making lunches growing up to the point that I quit making lunches and just ate apples that my classmates didn't want. I've stumbled upon Bento box inspired lunches. This certainly isn't new, but I'm loving the possibilities. Cheese animals... just because! I'm sorry moms, if your child is in Abby's class this fall and wants lunches like hers and you're thinking "Aint nobody got time for that!" I'm making time for that and for other ridiculous things that I never thought I'd do. It's only that I want to enjoy my children and not just endure the preschool years until I can do a "real" job. The truth is, this is my real job and I want to do a good job of it. If I am created to create, then I can create to benefit my family and to the glory of God. By the way, I did an amateurish version of a bento box lunch for Abby this week and she was thrilled. It made me feel great blessing her with something so simple.

So, Pinterest might have new function for my creative researching these days. Maybe less sewing tutorials and more lunch ideas or hair ideas or whatever other ways I can make the mundane extraordinary!


P.S. In case you're wondering, I am not giving up on finding time to do my favourite creative things, like sewing, I am just finding ways to be creative in more ways and more often.

P.P.S If you follow me on Instagram, that's where you can see the hair-do's and box lunches (in the fall).

Checking In

Feeling grateful today, despite my weariness and fatigue. There have been many moments of Mama stress this week, but I love my littles so much and today I'm just grateful.

• We had a scare with Micah yesterday. The door at the top of the stairs was either not quite latched or Malachi has figured out the child lock, either way, Micah found the stairs. He fell down ONE stair and the mere possibility of what could've happened set me into a puddle of tears on the floor. Guh! My heart is still in my throat at the thought. It was so stressful for me that I did a lot of yelling at my precious littles for the next hour and felt so terrible. What precious gifts my littles are and I am so grateful for each one of them. I am in tears as I type. Thank you, God... words cannot express!

• In happier news... Valentines Day was lovely. With the help of my friend, I borrowed ingredients and tools to make a fun dinner. (it was the day before payday and the cupboards were scarce). We laughed at our "fancy" grilled cheese dinner. David gave me a lovely card in the morning and bought me a song on iTunes that I played most of the day. After dinner we had glow stick scavenger hunts with the littles. That was a huge hit. We cracked ten sticks and played hide and seek several times. Glow sticks are cheap fun! David and I finished the day with him reading me more of The Hobbit. Great day!

• We had a hugely productive weekend. David and I prepped 22 meals in 2 days. I am not a fan of cooking, so having meals prepped and ready to bake or throw in the crockpot is HUGE! I've had a few people ask me about this process, so I think I'll make a separate post about how we did it. I can tell you that my David is a CHOPSTAR!

• My friend posted a picture on my Facebook page that got my wheels turning. Here's my version of the popular Pinterest pin, the upcycled men's dress shirt apron. I used David's old uniform shirt and "girlyfied" it up. Tutorial here. It turned out really cute. I then gave it to my friend who organized the freezer meal co-op as a "thank you".

• My David has a conference this weekend and men's retreat next weekend. I am glad for him and support him in this fully, but am a little bit weary at the thought of the long weeks. A dear friend has offered to take Abigail and Malachi for one night next weekend, which is a great gift. I miss my David just thinking about it though.
• David spent some time calculating and if we're careful and don't have some crazy emergencies, we will be debt free in two years! HUGE! We are so thankful for the wise teachings of Dave Ramsey. It's so exciting and it feels great to have concrete plans and goals.